Yeet
by Mr.McStuffins
Summary: The story of a thougtless alien trying to kill elderly gents and 2 minecraft heros save the day


Thoughtless Alien

A Screenplay by Writer Unknown

EXT. NEW YORK CITY, NY - AFTERNOON

Smart nerd LADY ZOWIE RANDALL is arguing with adorable police officer SIR BENO BARLOW. ZOWIE tries to hug BENO but he shakes her off.

ZOWIE

Please Beno, don't leave me.

BENO

I'm sorry Zowie, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.

ZOWIE

I am such a person!

BENO frowns.

BENO

I'm sorry, Zowie. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

BENO leaves.

ZOWIE sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, down to earth programmer CLAN ALTER GODFEY barges in looking flustered.

ZOWIE

Goodness, Alter! Is everything okay?

ALTER

I'm afraid not.

ZOWIE

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

ALTER

It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien kill a bunch of elderly gents!

ZOWIE

Defenseless elderly gents?

ALTER

Yes, defenseless elderly gents!

ZOWIE

Bloomin' heck, Alter! We've got to do something.

ALTER

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

ZOWIE

You can start by telling me where this happened.

ALTER

I was...

ALTER fans himself and begins to wheeze.

ZOWIE

Focus Alter, focus! Where did it happen?

ALTER

Phenox, AZ! That's right - Phenox, AZ!

ZOWIE springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

ZOWIE rushes along the street, followed by ALTER. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. PHENOX, AZ - SHORTLY AFTER

REDRE CHAN a thoughtless alien terrorises two elderly gents.

ZOWIE, closely followed by ALTER, rushes towards REDRE, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

ALTER

What is is? What's the matter?

ZOWIE

That's not just any old alien, that's Redre Chan!

ALTER

Who's Redre Chan?

ZOWIE

Who's Redre Chan? Who's Redre Chan? Only the most thoughtless alien in the universe!

ALTER

Blinkin' knickers, Zowie! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless alien in the universe!

ZOWIE

You can say that again.

ALTER

Blinkin' knickers, Zowie! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless alien in the universe!

ZOWIE

I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.

Redre turns and sees Zowie and Alter. He grins an evil grin.

REDRE

Zowie Randall, we meet again.

ALTER

You've met?

ZOWIE

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young ZOWIE is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees REDRE. She takes off her headphones.

REDRE

Would you like some white mice?

ZOWIE's eyes light up, but then he studies REDRE more closely, and looks uneasy.

ZOWIE

I don't know, you look kind of thoughtless.

REDRE

Me? No. I'm not thoughtless. I'm the least thoughtless alien in the world.

ZOWIE

Wait, you're a alien?

ZOWIE runs away, screaming.

INT. PHENOX, AZ - PRESENT DAY

REDRE

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

ALTER

(To ZOWIE) You ran away?

ZOWIE

(To ALTER) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

ZOWIE turns to REDRE.

ZOWIE

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

ZOWIE runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

ZOWIE

I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.

REDRE

I'm not scared of you.

ZOWIE

You should be.

EXT. KENTUCKY - LATER THAT DAY

ZOWIE and ALTER walk around searching for something.

ZOWIE

I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.

ALTER

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.

ZOWIE

You know nothing Alter Godfey.

ALTER

We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, REDRE appears, holding a pair of ropes.

REDRE

Looking for something?

ALTER

Crikey, Zowie, he's got your ropes.

ZOWIE

Tell me something I don't already know!

ALTER

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

ZOWIE

I know that already!

ALTER

I'm afraid of big bannanas.

REDRE

(appalled) Dude!

While REDRE is looking at ALTER with disgust, ZOWIE lunges forward and grabs her deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.

ZOWIE

Prepare to die, you thoughtless courgette!

REDRE

No please! All I did was kill a bunch of elderly gents!

BENO enters, unseen by any of the others.

ZOWIE

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly gents were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Zowie Randall defender of innocent elderly gents.

REDRE

Don't hurt me! Please!

ZOWIE

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!

REDRE

Because Zowie, I am your father.

ZOWIE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

ZOWIE

No you're not!

REDRE

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

REDRE tries to grab the ropes but ZOWIE dodges out of the way.

ZOWIE

Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

Unexpectedly, REDRE slumps to the ground.

ALTER

Did he just faint?

ZOWIE

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.

ZOWIE crouches over REDRE's body.

ALTER

Be careful, Zowie. It could be a trick.

ZOWIE

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Redre Chan is dead!

ZOWIE

What?

ZOWIE

Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

ALTER claps his hands.

ALTER

So your ropes did save the day, after all.

BENO steps forward.

BENO

Is it true? Did you kill the thoughtless alien?

ZOWIE

Beno how long have you been...?

BENO puts his arm around ZOWIE.

BENO

Long enough.

ZOWIE

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Redre Chan.

BENO

Then the elderly gents are safe?

ZOWIE

It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relived.

BENO

You are their hero.

The elderly gents bow to ZOWIE.

ZOWIE

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Redre Chan will never kill elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.

BENO

You are humble as well as brave!

One of the elderly gents passes ZOWIE a mystical necklace

BENO

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

ZOWIE

I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

ZOWIE

Well, if you insist.

ZOWIE takes the necklace.

ZOWIE

Thank you.

The elderly gents bow their heads once more, and leave.

ZOWIE turns to BENO.

ZOWIE

Does this mean you want me back?

BENO

Oh, Zowie, of course I want you back!

ZOWIE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

ZOWIE

Well you can't have me.

BENO

WHAT?

ZOWIE

You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

BENO

But...

ZOWIE

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Alter.

ALTER grins.

BENO

But...

ALTER

You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

BENO

Zowie?

ZOWIE

I'm sorry Beno, but I think you should skidaddle.

BENO leaves.

ALTER turns to ZOWIE.

ALTER

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

ZOWIE

Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly ALTER stops.

ALTER

When I said I'm afraid of big bannanas, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?

THE END


End file.
